Have come and gone, it feels so distant, but the pain is still so raw that I know it hasn't been that long at all. These have been the hardest months of my life, I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm still so heart broken, lost, devastated. I pretend to be okay, for everyone's sake. But I sometimes wonder if that is healthy? It can't be, but it's the only way I've been able to cope.. or shut a door on it. The only time I really think about losing her is during my counseling appointments. & to be completely honest I haven't been completely honest with my counselor. I'm not sure she'll be able to help me. I don't want to talk about what happened anymore, it's just too unbearable. It feels like somebody is taking the breath right out of you, and you have a gaping whole inside you that can't be filled. It's a moment of Panic and Sorrow and everything in between when you have to remember what happened. It's shocking and it hurts like hell.
God is the only person who knows my pain and knows how I feel about everything. But for some reason, it still isn't very comforting. I just want my baby.
